I didn't know how this time without drawing could effect me so deeply! O_o I am a bit frustrated. I need to practice more, but I got very lazy these days.
However, Gandalf is coming out anytime soon... hope it will be good enough.
About the rest, everything is alright.

-----

Feel free to follow or add my other accounts:

FACEBOOK Profile "Esteljf"

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Have a good day and be nice!

Here come my accounts aside dA , where you can find me

Feel free to FOLLOW me on FACEBOOK, although you need to add me as friend to see more, like my poor photography gallery.
I made a TWITTER years ago, and never used it. I can't say it will happen now, but I will post it here too anyway.
LastFM and YouTube are not very important, but I like to share good music and videos out there.

FACEBOOK Profile "Esteljf"

TWITTER

LAST.FM

YouTUBE





_{[link]
{A million lies to sell yourself is all you ever had.
And all you had, you wasted.
You stupid girl.}}

Here come my accounts aside dA , where you can find me

Feel free to SUBSCRIBE me on , although you need to add me as friend to see more, like my poor photography gallery.
I made a years ago, and never used it. I can't say it will happen now, but I will post it here too anyway.
LastFM and YouTube are not very important, but I like to share good music and videos out there.

FACEBOOK Profile "Esteljf"

TWITTER

LAST.FM

YouTUBE


After the lovely moment about one of my drawing being published in a magazine {Frodo and Sam – TheOneRing.net Magazine}, I am recovering myself to get guts for working on again.



Wait for something new some time in the future! Hope it won't take too long...
However, I am feeling well about most of things in my life nowadays. Finally, things are coming back on the track again! I promise to be more active here from now on.
And I will copy a part of my latest journal here to share again something very important and extraordinary that I've learned...
"Remember people, there is something inside yourselves that nobody can steal from you. It's not about status; it's not about things you have or who are by your side. It's about YOU. You have a name, an id, a mind, a great source of power and magic for your own using. Don't let people take this feeling from your heart!"

_{{I am afraid that the most of times that I started a journal entry here it began with the words: "It's been a long time since my latest..." and… that still remains the same until today.}}


It might be ridiculous: "I don't have a lot of things to say about the…" but I could give more than the same excuse from the past to justify the right moment.
Basically, I haven't drawn for a long time (yep, those words again…) and I am not replying the messages (but I read them ALL!!! YES!!! I never logged off!), so it seems that I've stopped working on for good. It's not very far away from reality, unfortunately. There is not too much thing happening about drawings lately. I have no clue if it will continue for a while or it just feels like losing my skills momentarily. I am not sure if I am able to draw like before, it's something strange to think about. It's funny because I had a bunch of blocked moments already and it never happened seriously like nowadays. This farewell never came to my head like a bullet and this time it burnt out! It was sad thing to live with… so, I kept myself away from the pencils and glorious days, because they hurt me a bit. But now, I know something changed in me again.

It's due to a recent fact. I must admit, it was a lack of attention of mine, but I didn't know about the event until the lovely *Dankia left a comment on my "Frodo and Sam" drawing, talking about that it could be seen published in an article inside a magazine about The Hobbit movie. Then, I remembered about the TheOneRing.net FanArt Contest, that I had sent my work months ago. I just forgot about it completely for a long time, so it got me now totally by surprise! I didn't know that MY drawing was part of the chosen ones and it amazed me like never before! It's an amazing feeling that I couldn't find words to describe! How could I express my feelings when I saw my name impressed on the page and remembered how much that image means/meant to me? It's unbelievable. No one knows how it moved me when I drew. It's the most special drawing that I ever made, and I talked about this here a lot of times, including the latest journal more than a year ago!  
It affected me deeply. I get started to think about how to come back to my old state of mind and to try something, no cares about what, when and how it will be…
Actually, there is a sketch of Gandalf locked inside my magical box right now, which it was started last year when the movie came out, but I thought that would be a charge larger than my skills could handle. Now I feel that I am not just a bag of garbage and I can do it, yes. I have no idea how it will be done, but I no longer care about the result. I am concerned about the processing. The processing is the progress of something very special. The progress is my inner force coming back to its home, which NOBODY can take from me.
Remember people, there is something inside yourselves that nobody can steal from you. It's not about status; it's not about things you have or who are by your side. It's about YOU. You have a name, an id, a mind, a great source of power and magic for your own using. Don't let people take this feeling from your heart!

I must share the link where I posted the pictures that *Dankia sent to me. (Thank you so, so much for this, girl. You have no idea how it changed a side of me! )

It's my own Facebook Profile 'Esteljf', where you can find some of my drawings (all of them is here on dA), but you may subscribe me if you wish.

Frodo and Sam – TheOneRing.net Magazine Collector's Edition.

I assume the most of LOTR fans knows this community {TheOneRing.net} from a long time, since it's the biggest and best source of information about JRR Tolkien and related things around the world! It's a wonderful pleasure to be part of this tribute edition to the fans and how it worked out. The movie The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey is a great beginning as the prequel to LOTR. And I wish I could say more about how I loved the riddles in the dark (Sméagol ) and the whole thing, but I think this journal has begun growing up more than I supposed at first.  

I say goodbye for now. But I hope my hiatus will not last so much. I might keep posting news about the possible next drawings on my Facebook. So, take a look at my profile/page whenever you wish. It would be a pleasure.

Have a good day. Be nice. And rock on!!!

Josi.

It's been five years since my first day here. I look back and feel proud of myself a bit, because I've improved so much, learned, shared experiences, made friendships and much more through all these years. Some moments even made me cry, not because someone was rude, on the contrary. I have received a bunch of supporting messages from lovely people around the world that still amazes me! That's something I would've never thought about when I started sharing my work.
Sometimes I found myself crying while I was reading comments about some drawings, like "Frodo and Sam". People would never know how deep and personal some drawings were for me when I drew them. (I'm sure that's a feeling which is shared with a lot of artists here.) Maybe they think it's just a fan art or whatever, but it's not. It's not just a "black and white screenshot", my drawings always mean a lot to me. I always choose references with this emotional touch, so it's amazing when someone else is moved by them too. And it's also funny when I read something like "I know what I said you have heard a lot..." but believe me... which message here is very, very important. I've spent an inactive time during the latest couple of years, but I never forgot about you. I knew that I would be back anytime.  
Thank you so much for all support! All those things made me a better person. Thanks a lot!!!

I also have to thank for giving me a Premium Membership for three months!
Thank you soooo much!!!

Have you seen this? [link]
THE HOBBIT TRAILER!!!

I could not express my feelings with words right now. It's amazing. I loved Martin Freeman!!! He's perfect as the young Bilbo. I can't waaaaaaaittt!!!

And now is the question: do I draw Bilbo or not draw Bilbo???

That's probably the last journal of the year... I promised I would come back, so did I. Let's hope I will draw more and more from now on.  
The year is over. Thanks God!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year for you all!!!

... but I don't know when they will arrive!
Check this picture to get a glimpse: [link]
Some are stuck since the beginning of last year (yes, LAST YEAR!) and Legolas' drawing is the only one that really looks new. There will be another one (not a LOTR related, by the way), but I didn't start it properly for showing here.  
They look unfinished, unmade, horrible, sketchy now, and I don't even know if they all will be done one day. But I had to do something. It's been hard to work on them again. It's been almost two years since my last finished work in my real life. I am not totally prepared yet. Actually, I wasn't prepared for many things. Anyway...


About the thief...
It's been hard to deal with that too. I'm getting a bit tired of all mess, please understand me. It seems all videos have been removed and there are few proofs about it now, like this: [link]
Before asking me this, I also sent an e-mail to him, but I will keep its content in private. And I don't know what is happening aside, because he has deleted his account on facebook and other sites.
Nobody knows how sad and stressed I am about this. It's something I never ever thought that could happen. It's a very delicate issue. So, I decided to draw again to shake it out from my mind a bit.

Thanks for all supporting messages! You all have been really, really great with me. That means a lot and I will never forget it. That's why I decided to show something because you deserve it.

Let's wait and see!

The video has been removed. You still can read a reportage about the exhibition here: [link]
and another video here: [link]
[link]
God, I'm getting really tired of this...

Some people just get too far.
I got a message talking about a guy who has stolen many works from here, and some of mine were there too.
Then, I found THIS VIDEO: [link]
where he has exhibited "his" drawings at the art gallery.

I could not believe in my eyes when I watched that video and saw my beloved drawings out there. It's unreal. I just don't know what to do about it.

God knows how pissed off I am right now. I have no words to describe it. Drawing is probably the only thing that I can do on my own, and then this guy came to steal them from me too! ¬¬

Thank you, guys! The support has been massive and it feels so good. Really. It means a lot!
This is a video made by "iamahmmond" on youtube, which I thought it's very illustrative about the signatures on the drawings.
Check it out:  [link]

So, he has been warned about the thing. I truly hope that he could come up to the public and explain all this, but it seems it's easier to keep the mouth shut when you are the wrong one. That's fair enough.
Sure I will go over it, because I can't let this guy put me down. I'll also try to add watermarks on the drawings again. I know that was my biggest mistake, but seriously, I would've never thought about such a mess. It's been really stressful and I could not barely stop myself since the day I got the message.   
And the most important thing: I will not stop drawing! Never! I'm gonna show you, B. B., how we, REAL drawers, do it right!!! Working hard, practicing, learning, crying, smiling with tears in your eyes when someone says you made a good work! Then, YOU KNOW that piece of sh*t is yours for no taking.

Thanks again for the comments, links, videos, informations, opinions, everything is very important. Just don't be rude and offensive, because it could make a disturb.


I will be watching!
_{and I am also a very determinate person...}

Should I go back to drawings?
I just don't know how to restart... I've been away for so long...
But I am back now to what I was almost two years ago.

Let's see what the future will shine on me from now on...
Hope you are still there.

Yesterday, I finally watched "Prince of Persia - The Sands of Time" on the big screen. Let me tell you that I've been a big fan of the game since my childhood, when I used to play the FIRST PoP ever! You can see it here [link] So I could not believe that a movie would be made. Although, the story is based on the later version and not the first one, I think the game's plot is better than the film. It's more complex and less predicted. But I like the movie too, and should I say that Jake Gyllenhaal is hot? Ah, no!   
Almost two months ago, I decided that I would draw the prince Dastan, but the time has passed and NOTHING came out. Actually, nothing is happening in this area lately. Really. I got kinda frustrated because I've seen many beautiful drawings about the movie out there and I know I can't do it too. I'm just sad. I left many others projects aside and they are totally forgotten now.
Wish I could have a dagger and turn back time... and go back to when I had time enough to think about drawing and my own things, but now I am not myself anymore. I feel a bit suffocated. I don't want to say it'll last forever, but I decided to leave my drawings for a while. Actually, I already did, but not in my mind. Just because every time I try to focus on something, it escapes through my fingers.
Should we change our destiny and plans? I think we all have a chance to change the life, but we keep our "dagger" inside, hidden, because we are afraid of pressing the button. We can't know everything that would happen and turn back the time as in the movie, but we could make another but not a predicted future. But in the end of the day, we assume it's too much "fantasy" and the reality keeps us limited into a chamber called time.

Hello guys and girls, it's been a while since my last post here...

There is not much to say about my last months, it's clearly that I haven't drawn for now, and that's why nothing came out lately. The reason is obvious and it's the first excuse: I don't have time enough to think about drawing, and I am also feeling a lack of inspiration, mostly because of the rush. I could even say that sometimes I just feel I am not myself anymore. It's weird, but it happens when you can't dedicate such a time on your own things, like music, drawings, or anything that you like besides your compromises. I don't know if it already happened to you, but most of times I wonder "why am I doing this? why can't I concentrate my feelings on a drawing anymore? Why did I change myself so much?", but in the end, it's okay. You just withdraw a bit and let it go.

The good news are: due to these feelings, I got a feeling like "I need to deliberate this as soon as possible!", it means: I will draw something about my current situation because I need to escape. I really do. Sometimes I just can't express what I am feeling through words, so I need to draw it so bad.
You might wonder what has been driving me "crazy" since a few weeks ago I was saying that everything was totally okay, but the problem is not concerned about EVERYTHING in my life, so there are many good things happening still, and it must be count.

I just can't get myself close to people who have that horrible behavior like false superiority. I just HATE people who want to fuck you in front of others just because they have a personal problem with you and it has nothing to do with the professional level. People like that are empty, stupid, rough, and it just shows how fragile they are. Why do they have to be so mean?
It makes me sick and tired... I even spend sometime pondering what's wrong with me because I should not feel this way... and I did nothing wrong AT ALL, but yeah.. after some thinking I came with the possible answer for it: I may have something really good in me, and they just can't get it. It's a good thing after all. (:   

Well, you may expect something sooner or later from me... I'm gonna do a drawing about it or not (because I may decide that it doesn't deserve my attention too), but I will be back. I promise. And I am sorry if I haven't been replying anyone since January, it's because I feel a bit ashamed of not being active with drawings... I know it's stupid, but forgive me.

(I am just happy that Lacrimosa will release a new CD on May! It's funny how it happens always when I need to listen something from Tilo! Tilo, ich liebe dich! )

I decided to speak about the current situation.
I got a nice job few weeks ago, then I thought it would end up diminishing my time for drawing, but not ruining at all. I was wrong. I REALLY have no time for drawing anymore. Only on weekends, but when there is nothing more to do.
I've been collecting some drawings projects, but they are waiting in my magic box yet. If everything happens alright to me, I'll be doing a drawing about Avatar, because I loved the movie and want to do something. Wish I could have done this earlier, now it's spamming everywhere, but f*ck... I do not care.

I've received many messages these days and due to my temporary DA abstinence, I simply CAN'T reply everyone as I wish. All of them are important FOR SURE, but I'm gonna be answering those ones which I feel it's more necessary (since I don't have time for everything now ): ), like from the #fanartists-club, journals, questions, opinions, etc... don't hesitate to ask me whatever you want! I do read EVERYTHING, and I'll try my best to be more active here.     
I just want to say a BIG THANK YOU for being SO amazing, and sending me really touching comments on my "Frodo and Sam" drawing. It means too much, not just because you're all cool, but because this is (probably) the most personal drawing I've ever done, and reading that people got moved by it, even slightly tearing eyes, makes me happy and relieved. So, THANK YOU!

C'ya!

Heya!

I had to come to talk about AVATAR!
Only two movies have blown my mind until yesterday: "Titanic" (my first big screen experience) and "The Return of the King" (which none will beat, for sure). But AVATAR takes you to another world. You have to think it is real, or it will be annoying. Believe me, you will not want to be fooled. When you see that world for the first time, you immediately fall in love. It's amazing. The Visual Effects (Thanks WETA!!!) are almost flawless, and the characters' movings/expressions are credible! I can't say too much because I don't want to spoil anything, but go see it! Really... if you don't like this kind of film, it's ok, but it's very enjoyable. Almost three hours that seems less than one!

I didn't like the soundtrack when I listened to it for the first time... It sounds like Titanic themes, but now I love it! James Horner did a great job... no surprise if it wins an Oscar. Besides, this year had not too many great OSTs, except Angels and Demons By Hans Zimmer (his new soundtrack for the Sherlock Holmes movie is nothing but disappointing. It gets some nice moments, specially the main theme, but nothing else to add to it. Maybe it will change with more listening, but still). Back to AVATAR soundtrack... it was even more amazing due to the theater sound system. PERFECT! The music enters into your mind and gives you shivers! I also wanted to see it in 3D, BUT it only has dubbed copies here in my city, and I HATEEEEE dubbed movies! It's awful. I will not pay for it.

But of course, nothing is perfect. There are some things which I had to be more cynical. The storyline is not the most original ever, as you may guess. I know people are comparing to other past movies, which is totally appropriated. It really seems like them, while it's a post-modern version. But in the end, it has no other source. You cannot know exactly how the Earth is and how people are thinking in 2154, except those ones who are in Pandora. Maybe the only chance for Jake redemption was to enjoy with the Na'vi people indeed. And it has some ecologic value too. Now it seems very actual for some.
But there is no greeeeat story to tell. The things among the characters decisions are straight and predicable from the beginning to the end. I didn't find myself into that, I still prefer some traditional battles with swords and horses.   
On the other hand, the experience is amazing, no doubt. The movie as a whole is outstanding, one of the best that I've seen so far.

I can't forget to say that this right week it's my third DA birthday! And I've got almost 50.000 pageviews so far! Thanks a lot for everyone who sends me nice and encouraging comments through all these years!

And now, last but not least...
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR FOR ALL MY WATCHERS AND FRIENDS!!! HOPE TO SEE YOU ALL HERE FOR MORE THREE YEARS!!!

From now on, I think I am gonna be less active here, more than I've already been... it's because of busyness, and I really have no time to draw! Wish I could, but I will make my best to do something from time to time.
Although, I am SO HAPPY right now!!! Everything is going well that I could not complain!
So if I delay to answer it's because I can't spend so much time online... but no worries, I won't forget to check DA every now and then.

My latest drawing is one of the most special that I've ever made. It's full of messages and feelings... I had to stop it several times because of that. But in the end, I left you with this one because it's all we are about: friends.
_{Don't forget about them... or they will forget you.}

Thank you for all support!

_{You can see it too on my blog: esteljf.blogspot.com
Leave a comment if you want. You're welcome}

First, I want to thank everybody for giving me "Happy b-days" and everything. You're all amazing people. It feels really good.

So, here it is... it's just a bit long... but I felt I should share my thoughts too, like anyone else. Firstly, I am NOT a die hard fan of Twilight; I didn't even read the books, so I wanna make clear that I'm just expressing my feelings concerned to the movies and its content. It's only an honest opinion, and if you have a little time to waste, I want to know your words about the subject too, if you don't mind.
I just watched the New Moon today, because a friend of mine persuaded me. I've already watched the first one and the funniest thing was that I kept a grin on my face everytime... I found it very weird. I didn't know if I liked it or not. It made me feel uncomfortable.
When I watched the trailer of the new movie, I thought I should give a second try, because I felt some empathy, but... it happened again!  The grin kept on there for more two hours long. Sometimes I wanted to laugh out loud, but yeah... I just couldn't stand. It's just funny. Everything.
The acting of some is terrible; there's just a relief when Michael Sheen shows up, but it's too late (besides his part is very, very small). Bella already made it so boring. I wonder if Bella is boring by herself or if Kristen makes it hard... I can't see any sigh of emotion in her eyes at all. Really hard to believe that Bella loves Edward as much as she says it. Actually, there are a lack of many things: no suspense, no chemistry, no action, no good sound... no good dialogs! GOSH! The dialogs are pretty ridiculous sometimes. And the actors seem to forget it every time, take a breath to recover themselves and it sounds irritating.
The soundtrack is another low point. I must say the Twilight Soundtrack Score was fantastic! Carter Burwell created a wonderful and captivating theme for the movie, and I dare say it was the best part of everything, in my humble opinion. But WHY did they hire Alexandre Desplat??? The soundtrack alone goes well... a bit slow, but still. But on the movie it simply disappeared! I expected more exciting moments, but nothing hit the top. I missed the thing. It's a lame for me. Sometimes I just go to the cinema to listen to the soundtrack that loud...
Jacob is probably one of the things that I liked. NO! It's not because of his constant shirtless! But he looks like being the only one who incorporated it better. And yeah... I prefer wolves than vampires. ha... ha. ¬¬
Edward... I don't understand why people love him too much. I truly don't think Robert is beautiful. He is kinda weird, actually (and then the girls want to kill me slowly right now... hahaha).
Actually, why do people love the whole thing so much? Why do they go crazy? I'm sure there are elements that involve people deeply, but I can't see a good reason to be so fanatic yet. I mean... humans feel attracted by impossible things... like impossible love stories. They idealize it. It's an escape, something that you can dream of, when real life is a damn real life indeed. But seriously, is there anything really impossible for the characters? I mean... we all know that they find a stupid solution to make everything easier. Bella just renounces being human and wanted to be transformed. Does she not have another thing to care for? It's just Edward? I know it's just a teenage story, but my point is that could be more explored and discussed. Edward had a glance of reality but then in the end he says something like "I can't live in a world that you don't exist"! OH GOD... give me a moment, please. That's why I said I missed a suspense. A bad side of the character, you know? Then he left Bella and went to Rio! I was WTF?! I wonder how could a vampire go to the sunniest city in this world? Frankly... he should go to Curitiba, at least...

Anyway... you want to bash me right now, I know. But don't be hasty at judging. I liked the movie! Both of them. Like I said, I wanted to see the sequel or I just wouldn't do it. I wouldn't be easily persuaded if it'd been a terrible experience. I felt that it's a good story to tell. It's different, lighter and brighter than other vampires sagas. More innocent and silly too, but why not? We are stupid human beings in our essence. Obviously, I can't blind myself that's amazing, but I will watch the next one. At least, if everything fails, the ticket is cheap.

Yeah!
Today is my birthday again!!!
_{I'm getting tired of it! We should celebrate it once every five years...}   

24 years old...

Seems now the time runs faster than ever!
For my luck, I look younger... that's what people say to me hehe
Yeah... today has been weird and nothing special yet. But my mom gave me a really cool and original gift: it's an air conditioner!!! WoW! I just can't believe it! haha That'll be veeeery useful because my bedroom is a sauna and the days have been hot enough! ¬¬

BLOG
ESTELJF.BLOGSPOT.COM
Did I make a blog??? I never thought I would do it someday. So, I don't know yet how it will be managed in the future, but hope you will check it every now and then. Be sure you are welcome!
For now, I posted  some wips and a close up of my Jack Sparrow drawing. [link]
Hope you like it!   

I'm working on next drawing, but I don't have a clue when it'll totally be done. I wanted to finish it before my birthday, but it wasn't possible. I had some impediments through whole last week and it delayed. It's been cool so far, while I am not too satisfied yet... it means that won't be here until next month, unfortunately. But it's still special and involves many feelings for me.

C-ya! Have a good day!

Some time ago, I was talking here about my doubts of drawing. I can say now, after a refreshing moment that’s gone, at least for a while. And it shows how we can change our minds so quickly just thinking it’s possible. I am just happy with my skills. I don’t feel that I have to decide between this and that. I can draw whatever I want, when I want, who I want… it has nothing to do with being professional or not. Who knows what’s the purpose of life? Why should I care about something that no one knows what’s the best? I was only creating monsters and even worst, feeding them.
But now I just rescued what I feared it got lost in the past. I am ENJOYING drawing again. It’s not a burden, it’s a privilege. While I am feeling sad or happy, I can draw it. It demands an INNER positive thought that I am able to do it… no matter what other people say. They can’t do it for me. A drawing can’t be made alone, without someone looking after. You have to go there and make it. Actually, it’s pretty much the same when it comes to other situations of real life. If you are in a bad moment, if everything is crashing down, and your hope seems to be gone… it’s about your own choice. Just moaning, complaining won’t solve your problem. You must decide to change it for yourself and not to accept your defeats as unbreakable. Or your life will be just a veil between your birth and death.  

I took my own little journey. I decided the three latest drawings would be made together. Mostly because it’s a reunion of my favorite subjects: Aragorn from my all time favorite movie and book; Lacrimosa, my beloved favorite band, and Jack… well, he’s the captain!  So, about a month ago, while all the illusionary suffering was created, I started sketching them. I can’t deny they were difficult at first. There were times that I just wanted to bang my head on wall and asked why I had to be so mad. And now, when some people ask me which tools I use to draw, I answer: pencils, eraser, patience and madness. You have to be a bit mad to challenge yourself, or you will never walk a step more. Do you know those moments that you face something but it looks too much for you? Try it. Some scary things are not too scary if you look closer.
I am just happy with all that I’ve done. It’s been even a bit melancholic that I won’t be working on them anymore, but there will be other chances in the future.

For now, I will take a little break. After all this time, focused on those works, I just forgot about other things. Haha I have books to be read, films to be watched… I left those behind, and now I have to return to the track. Probably it won’t last more than few weeks, I guess. I am so inspired by Aragorn’s drawing, so I will do more LOTR stuff, FOR SURE. Be prepared.
I’m gonna take care of my health too which has been not so good lately. =/ So I need to take some rest, indeed.

Thank you soooo much for wonderful comments, all favs and watches!!! I never thought it would get so far!

<sub>Heya people!
I've found my love for drawings again! My new works are getting amazing! Well, 'amazing' for me, I don't know what you will think about them in the future! haha I think that I dropped a bit of the burden on my shoulders and I am actually proud of everything that I've done until now! I wish this moment could 'inspire' everyone who has felt in doubts with the pencils or their own art. I don't know what the future may bring next... if I will do more drawings or stop after finishing them, but I hope I will control the pressure better from now on. Even though, I've decided I'll take a break from dA a bit. I have to avoid Internet to concentrate more on drawings. I will be back as soon as possible! Thank you so much for the attention and support!

It's just a reflexion of other things that were bothering me some time ago. Sometimes angry and frustration are great source of strength, and it feels so good when you can liberate it and feel free. The next lyrics carries everything that I ever wanted to say for some people from the present or the past...

Feuer (Fire) - LACRIMOSA

This your first and your last victory
That I sacrifice my time - that I wrote this
But time is a whore - gives herself in haste
I have long gorged on my hatred of you

This is your time to burn
This is my time to burn you!
One day you will be in this dark place
I will send you fire and then I listen to your screams

My sympathy I save for those who deserve it
Yes - arrogance is a lonely place
Your glass is not half full and no - Your glass is not half empty
You have nothing but this water spot
Where your glass once stood

The time has come - time once again
This is now the time - it is time
This is your time to burn
This is my time to burn you

Your ignorance - your smugness
Your superiority - your egoism implodes!!!

One day you will be in this dark place
I will send you fire and then I listen to your screams...</sub>

<sub>I am not dead, yet!
Thank you SOOOO MUCH for wonderful comments, favs and watches! You don't know how much it makes me happy! I may delay but I really try to answer everyone. It means a lot! And sorry for my bad English... I haven't been practicing it too much lately

I always think it's useless to post something here about my personal life, but I've seen so many things posted around the internet like "how many eggs I've eaten today", that it's not so bad. Actually, it's not a big deal either, I just want to speak out a bit since I've been "mute" nowadays due to some weird reasons. I couldn't care because people won't read it anyway...
However, I've lost something about drawing lately, and why not, about myself too. It seems I have more blocks than everything else! I think I am too hard on myself forcing to find a quick solution for it, trying to put myself under the pressure that I should do a drawing... I got better lately, though. It's just I am not sure about if what I am doing is what I really want to do. People are trying to convince me that I should do drawings professionally, but it feels wrong in a way. It involves so many things that I wanted to forget for good. But now... for the first time, I have the opportunity to choose if it will be my following road or not. Drawing is good... I actually can't believe that I became a drawer because I would never intend to be one a few years ago. I am still surprised how I've improved even doing less than it could have been done. I know they are always based on pictures and everything that I need to do is to follow the lines and shadows, but the last time I held a pencil, I tried to do something free hand and it worked!!! I was so proud of myself that time... now I can draw indeed! But still it didn't light the fire inside of me. Maybe I should calm down and find my deepest wishes... It's true that this year has been really hard for me in many ways, and it must be just a confused moment. But due to this, I am back to my very first years when I wanted to be a Geologist. Yes... very different. Very few people know that I always wanted to study it since my childhood. Actually, they probably think that it's just a small forgettable wish of mine, but it's a huge dream that I had to put down! I always loved everything about Earth and nature of stones, minerals, gems... but to do that, I'd have to move on from my actual city to another one very far, and my parents are not fond of this idea. =/ So I have to decide between my biggest dream (even knowing that I will have to study a lot!!!) and other option which is easier to do but for me it's difficult to accept. Hard decisions...

I also have another problem that's bothering me for a while. A muscle of my right shoulder is severely sore and there are lot of remedies on my table right now. It's not very good... my brain is definitely working slow because of this. But I still intend to do something... I have three drawings waiting for me and I really want to make them come true. My idea is to do a turn with one of them, but let's see how it will develop in the future.
Btw, will you be happy if a pirate drawing pop in here anytime? ^^  

Did you ever hear about Diablo Swing Orchestra? They are a Swede band which mix jazz, tango, flamenco, samba, and other dancing rhythms with heavy metal and opera vocals. It sounds weird? Yes, but it's VERY cool! For those who are open minded and like music with a certain humor, take a chance on them. [link] The new album, Sing-along Songs for the Damned & Delirious, is amazing! I am happy that there are still bands with such a creativity like them. I am fed up with bands which just do more drama than music.  

Wow, many comments today... you are probably tired, if you are still reading, of course... but I was wondering these days... I am not a great fan of Twilight, even though I watched the brand new trailer and it looked cool. But I still think Rob Pattinson is not that beautiful... Girls, don't kill me! Please! But Jacob (Taylor Lautner) looks much more attractive for me. Anyway... a stupid comment! Forget about that!
And the trailer of the MJ film is truly SAD! I still can't believe he was working so hard on it and didn't have a chance to do a very last show... sometimes life is nothing but unfair. =/  


"Everything that's faced can be changed, and nothing can be changed until it's faced!" — James Baldwin</sub>

<sub>Tagged pela

Regras:

1. Vá ate seu player preferido, ponha todas as músicas que você goste e clique em shuffle.
2. Usando essas questões, aperte play.
3. Use os nomes das músicas para responder as perguntas.
4. No final, escolha 5 pessoas para fazer o quiz também.
5. Não trapaceie.

Escolhi trilhas do Hans Zimmer (mais conhecido como Tio Rãs)

1. Como o mundo me vê?
Tribal (começamos bem...)

2. Eu terei uma vida feliz?
My father (depende do sentido desse pai haha)

3. O que as pessoas realmente pensam de mim?
Tell me now (digam aí o que vcs acham de mim...)

4. As pessoas me desejam secretamente?
Cry (nossa, que maravilha estar rodeada de pessoas assim hahaaha)

5. Como eu posso me fazer feliz?
One Day (a coisa tá meio pessimista hoje, mas pelo menos será um dia)

6. O que eu devo fazer com minha vida?
Insanely Risky (hahahaha é uma ótima idéia)

7. Eu terei filhos?
Greenland: Anno 1859 (?)

8. Qual um bom conselho para mim?
This is going to hurt (mas pode dizer... eu sou forte para aguentar )

9. Qual é minha música tema?
Journey to the Line  (não sendo a Faixa de Gaza, tudo bem...)

10. O que todos pensam que é minha música tema?
Swimming (eu tenho medo o.o)

11. Que música vai tocar no meu funeral?
What have you done (faz bastante sentido)

12. Como será meu dia?
Weird is good (certamente porque não é com vc ¬¬ )

13. Por que estou aqui?
Two Hornpipes (adoro! deve ser um sinal que um dia vou tocar violino)

14. Pelo que as pessoas lembrarão de mim?
I don't think now is the best time (pelo o que percebo as pessoas não estão querendo demonstrar o que sentem por mim )

15. Que música não vai sair da minha cabeça amanhã?
Ginny's picture (?)

16. As pessoas estão esperando lá fora pra me levar embora?
Angel Story (anjos estão me esperando para me levar? depende para onde...)

17. Como será esse ano?
The Truth Revealed (isso é importante saber)

18. Se você chegasse no topo do Monte Everest, você gritaria:
Decent Men in an indecent time (huahauahuahuahauahu)

19. Na próxima vez que você estiver em frente a um grupo de pessoas, você dirá:
Trust (é uma boa dica)

20. Sua mensagem para o mundo:
Fire (devia ser ice)

21. Seu maior segredo:
Science and Religion (tá aí um segredo que nem eu sabia)

22. Seu desejo mais profundo:
The Wedding (o/ mas não mesmo! huahahahahuauhauha esse meu player tá de sacanagem comigo)

23. Sua memória mais antiga faz você pensar...
Watergate (percebe como água anda me perseguindo)

24. Em algum lugar nos seus votos de casamento você vai incluir:
Status (vai saber)

25. Quando você acorda de manhã você diz:
The Slave who became a Gladiator (metafóricamente falando)

26. Neste momento, seus sentimentos são:
...to die for (hoje a coisa tá bem deprê heim...)

27. O dia que você se apaixonar será o dia em que:
Heart of Darkness (ai ai)

28. *Pula*
Death smiles at us all (hoje a coisa tá bem deprê [2])

29. Sua mensagem aos leitores:
it's complicated (realmente...)

Quem quiser fazer aí, à vontade!

===============================
Algumas breves considerações finais:
Não aguento mais ficar em casa por causa dessa gripe maldita!!! ¬¬ Tá cruel. Quando finalmente tem um lugar para ir, eles ameaçam fechar. Um terrorismo psicológico, praticamente...  
Meu PC (para variar) tá f*dido e eu to com preguiça de levar para consertar. Meu sonho era que eu conseguisse não ter problemas com ele por mais de três meses, mas to vendo que tá complicado.
E se deus quiser, até o fim do ano eu faço mais dois desenhos haha o/</sub>

<sub>I usually don't do this, but I just saw the new movie few hours ago and loved! The first session was full and I personally don't like it, but my friend and I were so excited that it was a minor fact.   
I've followed all movies for years and it's actually bit sad that is coming to an end, however this one is a great teaser to the next two films. Very different from the three previous ones and more mature than the two other sequels, but without losing the tenderness. It's funny and amusing but also grave and sad at the same time. It makes a bit of contrast between the dark atmosphere all over the scenes and the humor that comes from nice little jokes. It brought some reality to the turmoil inside of some characters in a way. The visual effects are probably one of the best that I've ever seen! The cinematography is so beautiful that it looks like moving paintings. Sorry for the spoiler, but the whole scene of Hermione crying on Harry's shoulder was particularly the best! I could even draw that! The soundtrack is another good surprise, actually.   
But... I missed some things, even not being a reader of the books. The fact about the Half-Blood Prince is slightly mentioned very few times, and of course it's better comprehended in the end, but I still think it could have been more explored. Instead there are many scenes about Harry/Ginny and Ron/Hermione romances only. I believe it has its reason, but it was just too much focused in my opinion. The greatest moment in the end deserved more attention as well. It seems that the loss is smaller than it really is to the story.
On the other hand, I do understand these versions of books sometimes run away from the original indeed (being a LotR fan may help me in this case). I am not a freak fan after all. I like the movies a lot, but nothing compared to the other ones, so I can take it easy. Due to this matter, I enjoyed it more than just trying to find where they've changed... I've seen people moaning too much about the director, but always remember this: it could be worse.
Anyway, go see Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince and have fun!



By the way... the next drawing is almost done...</sub>